CBC Contests

The Koffee Konundrum

The Koffee Konundrum

The award for the question that stumps humans the most and leaves them speechless would go to, ‘Could you please tell me more about yourself?’ Only when we start to answer that question do we realise that our answers are either clichéd, seem memorised or just plain boring. We are never sure what the appropriate answer is. In different situations in our life, we face different questioners, who expect different answers. The person who calls you for interview does not really need to know you are an expert bathroom singer who has a soundcloud account, but that might get you a chance at a second date.

The second such ‘existential crises’ question is, ‘What do you do for fun?’ Any typical answers (like those we filled in the ‘hobbies’ column of our school slam books) like ‘reading’, ‘listening to music’, ‘dancing’ would make you sound like a poor joke. So unless you are actually in the habit of bungee jumping or meme creating, therefore making people look at you in awe, this question is going to haunt you, too! Which is how I felt when I was thinking of writing this post for the ‘Tagged’ challenge. Zilch, nothing. Absolutely nothing in my timeline seemed fitting for this contest. Which is why I have chosen to write on the one tagged conversation that made ME happy, and gave me a few good laughs, hoping it will meet the criteria.

Did it happen on Facebook? Yes.

Is it funny? Yes.

It has tags? Yes.

Is it relevant? Probably. I have no idea. Read on!

But before you do!

Disclaimer 1: No matter how threatening my tone sounds, I really would say these are my best of friends and it was all done for fun

Disclaimer 2: One (Dhasa Sathyan) is a very good author, the second (Vinay Ravindranath) is a star reviewer whose words have their own magic, the third (Mahesh Lakshmanan) is one of the best book editors I have ever known and the fourth (Shree Janani Sundararajan) an ace reader, reviewer and the girl with untapped word power. We all know our spellings well. The comments look horribly misspelled because that is part of the joke.

There, that done, it all started with the K!

Like most people in the world, the letter K, when used as a reply in messages or chats, makes me so unreasonably angry. It is even more so because I still (mostly) type ‘okay’, ‘yes’, ‘you’ and all such words in full forms no matter whether I text or use whatsapp or messenger or whatever. So I shared this picture, and little did I know it would become an avalanche of comments.

1_TheOriginalPost
The Original Post – a shared picture that started it all!

And promptly, two guys respond like I should have known they would. I say K is irritating, they comment with K. Friendship level: Sarcawesome

Both avid readers and coffee lovers, they united over their love of everything coffee and words. And the author decides to substitute (for reasons best known to him) every possible word he could with K. Naturally, that made me go, ‘oh no you don’t!’

While they comment on the obvious ‘diskrimination’ I showed, I almost turned a ‘kriminal’.

2_TheFirstSetOfComments
And it begins! Literary nerds that they are, they start discussing case sensitive alphabets

And as the conversation develops, they both continue pulling my leg, with comebacks I cannot even dream of. While Vinay made a great point about the difference between homicide and suicide, Sathya had me laughing in splits quoting a dialogue from one of my all time favourite funny movies.

With the ultimate translation, the tamil word for homicide, I am laughing so hard and hope they don’t stop.

3_ItEscalated
It escalates quickly.

And then I tell them why ‘Kolai’ and ‘Kambi’ don’t interest me and turn the ‘konversation’ back to books, Vinay lets loose this utter gem about the afterlife. And hence the threat to burn down his bookshelf (a complete marvel with one of the best collections I have ever had the pleasure of seeing)

4_HomicidalMe
On homicides and everything paranormal

Vinay dismisses my threat with a wave of his hand, knowing very well how empty this was. While my mind was boggled with how many ‘k words’ he came up with, Sathya bamboozled me. Head pounding, I try to bow out while they wish me with even more K. Grr.

5_AndItAllBoiledDOwn
They know me too well – well enough to make my head pound

I ask the ultimate question. How did these guys even team up? Vinay gives a perfect explanation and Sathya tells me why my timing was probably wrong. Enter Mahesh, one of my most favourite persons, an excellent editor, with his own twist in the tale, a question that diverted the topic off waters.

My bestie for the last decade and a half, Shree Janani, enters the scene, reminding me yet again why I should probably control my tongue as long as she is watching. Vinay is by now killing my stomach with the ‘Kosama’ Kostin, making me wonder whether I really should have shared this picture.

Mahesh ends it with a realistic idea, that sounded appealing by that point.

6_WhenOneMorePersonJoinedIn
The topic diverts *I am sweating in the background*

I try my feeble attempt at an explanation, and Mahesh activates my inner spirit animal, mentioning my favourite traditional ‘kuisine’ while Janani reminds me about my mom’s cooking. The conversation turns back to food, and I let out a confused but happy sigh.

7_Koffee
Food. Glorious, delicious food!

And as I sit wondering what ‘alphabet’ my bestie has in mind (at least one that is up for public discussion) these guys confuse me and I weasel my way out, wondering if I should resort to stickers hereafter.

8_WhenTheyTriedToGetTheSecretOut
The parallel discussion

Mahesh lets loose this tamil word ‘kalaaikal’ – making fun of, or pulling the leg of, someone or something. Vinay and Dhasa, meanwhile, safely eject themselves out of my trajectory, promising to bring me ‘kaapi’ (coffee) if I ever did a ‘kolai’ (murder) and went behind ‘kambi’ (bars).

9_MeGrinningLikeAnIdiot
And I am grinning like an idiot!

Mahesh takes the game a league apart in his own style, while I bring things back to the square one by clearly naming my intended victims. I decide to make that clear and go on a long vacation, at a loss for comebacks.

10_MeVacation
Wondering if I should go on a vacation.

And they go on and on, and if I were to write about it, I will probably overshoot the word limit and lose the reader’s interest by inside jokes. At the end of this thread, I had confirmed three things.

  • Never again should I talk about K, at least not on facebook
  • Some people in my friend list are adept at slapstick humour
  • I will never forget this conversation as long as I have ‘kaapi’.

But at the end of the day, when this happened, in real time, I was mostly laughing, thanking my stars for my friends who tagged and cross tagged like crazy. The group of buddies being comfortable with each other gave me a pleasant feeling, one I will cherish and not forget in the near future. A sample conversation like this would only be an indicator of what happens most of the times.

I have the habit of tagging my friends if I find anything related to them, or anything that reminds me of them. And the ensuing conversations are laugh riots, as people unite over the common cause or at least go, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one!” and impromptu friends are made, the circle of happiness expanding with each new ‘konversation’

After all, Facebook is all about friends, fun and good memories, isn’t it?

This post is written for a contest organised by the Chennai Bloggers Club.

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